Paranoia – Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Special Feelings

To get things off my mind, Alan surprised me with a trip to a river cruise and a trip to the ferris wheel.

“Hey Alan, aren’t you afraid of these things?” I asked with a shocked expression.

“Yeah, but you love them. And I’ll be safe with you I guess.” He attempted using the most romantic voice he had but failed.

“Awhs, that’s so sweet. But you don’t really have to you know. I’m fine with being on the ground.” I said blushing.

“Yeah, but well, it is a special date tonight.” He said with a wink.

“Huh??” I said puzzled.

“It’s okay. You’ll see as we finish the date.” He said with a smile.

I gave up asking and just went with it. We went first to a rather popular carnival around the area and killed our time playing the games.

Alan, being the “I need to win” type, managed to swoop in tons of prizes for me. Of course, when I tried, he laughed at my failures and continued getting prizes. I think the carnival people were quite sad to see their prizes depleting so fast.

As sunset came, we hurried on to the ferris wheel, not wanting to miss the beautiful scenery. Luckily enough, I brought my DSLR and we took a fantastic picture with the sunset behind us.

Behind the carnival, there was a river and they were offering river rides. As I mentioned before, he brought me there, braving himself to stay on the boat and not think about his motion sickness.

After that, we had our dinner at the restaurants nearby and took at walk next to the river.

The best thing was, the riverside was well decorated with beautiful neon lights and the reflection of the moon shone perfectly on the river.

“Hey, you wanna know why I did all this?” He suddenly asked, facing me.

“You’re not gonna dump me here are you?” I asked.

“No, after what I did? I feel as if that’d be a waste of money. If I really were to dump you, I’d dump you next to a garbage disposal.” He said bursting out with laughter.

“You jerk!” I shouted playfully, slapping his arm in the process.

“Hey! That hurt!” he replied, rubbing his arm.

“Anyways, the reason is that, today is a special day. Have you forgotten?” He said with a smile.

“Really?” I said thinking.

“I can’t believe you forgot!” he said pretending to be sad.

“Read the card I gave you. In that package.”

I opened the package he gave me. It wrote:

“Heh, I was pretty sure you’d forget. It’s our 100^th day today. And I can’t believe that I remembered. I just wanted to let you know that, I love you from my heart and my love has never changed ever since I liked you. You’re still that funny, joyful and kind girl that I know.

I know you think a lot and often hide from the rest of the world. And even if I may not know everything, I understand and hope that in time, I will get to know the full you. I will always support and love you.

By the way, you owe me a kiss. And sorry for the sandwich. I hope this will replace it. =)

Happy 100^th Day. I love you forever and always.

Alan.”

I closed the card hoping that he wouldn’t see my red face. I stood there for a while, staring at his face.

“Aren’t you going to open the present?” he asked.

“Oh yeah” I snapped into reality.

Slowly, I took out the box that came with the card. It was quite a big one and honestly, I didn’t know what to expect.

With caution, fearing something popping up in my face, I slowly opened the box with curiousity, and inside laid a beautiful white dress. I took it out admiring it’s beauty. To my realisation, it was that dress that I wanted when I went out shopping with him once. Sadly, I didn’t manage to buy it cause I was at a loss of cash.

“Like it?” his face popped up behind the dress.

“I love it… Oh my gosh Alan, I love you so much…” I said almost bursting into tears.

Almost immediately, I put the dress back and hugged him.

“I take it that you’re really happy then.” His face started to gleam.

I let go and was blushing red, speechless. He laughed.

“You’re really cute when you blush.” He said out loud.

And that made me blush more.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. This is also for you.” He took out a small box.

“Wait, you’re not going to ask me to marry you right?” I asked in shock.

“Of course not. I’m too young. But I do feel bad about not giving you this earlier.” He passed the box to me.

When I opened it, the content was a necklace, with a ring as a pendant. The ring was almost identical to the pendant he wore around his neck.

“I remember you wanting the same necklace. So I tried to find an identical one. If you look at it closely, you can see your name” he pointed to the ring.

Indeed, my name was engraved there, with a beautiful font too. I blushed again.

“You are really full of surprises. Thank you for cheering me up. And making my day” I said with the best tone I could get seeing as I was about to burst into tears.

“And, I’ve got something for you too. Close your eyes.” I said.

He listened, trying to peek but to no avail. And I did my end of the bargain, I gave him a kiss.

His eyes opened, with a shocked expression which then turned into a really relaxed and happy expression. He kissed me back.

“I love you” he said.

“Me too.”

Paranoia – Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Inner Conflicts

Alan came and picked me up from my house and we both went down to the movies together. Before that, we both got a little hungry and decided to take a quick snack.

“Hey sweetheart, why is it that you’ll always have something on your mind?” he asked suddenly.

“I don’t know. Maybe I was made to think all sorts of ridiculous things.” I shrugged and continue to munch on my sandwich.

“You shouldn’t you know. For some reason, all your curious thoughts are all on the negative side. You’re usually really positive.”

“I know. But I just can’t help it. So many things have been happening lately. It’s kind of impossible to not think.”

“Like?” his tone starting to question.

“Things that are not related to what you do. It’s more or less what I’m involved in. College isn’t that easy you know.” I tried keeping the real reason.

“Tell me everything. I know you’d keep some things from me but at least I get a rough clue right? I am your boyfriend.” He gave a smirk while expecting my reply.

“Okay, fine, you win.” I said with a sigh.

I explained my situation, careful not to let the whole cat out of the bag.

“You know, you should really stop thinking. Honestly, one day whatever you think now might happen.” Alan commented with a straight face.

“I know, but what can I do? I keep thinking. I tried stopping, I just can’t.” I said with a gloomy face.

“Well, that’s why I’m here. I’m here to help you and support you. You know that.” He said with a shy smile on his face.

“I know. And you know that I love you. It’s just that, sometimes I don’t want you involved in a lot of things. It might cause a lot of trouble.”

“You’re my girlfriend. I’m suppose to help you. That’s why I’m here.” He said almost immediately.

I just kept quiet and smiled at him. Knowing that whatever I say won’t change his mind.

“Okay, I’ll try to stop. And you’ll be the first one I call when I need someone okay?” the gloominess in me just faded away.

“I knew my charms were hard to resist.” He said, flattering himself.

“Shut up. I know.”

And with that, we finished our meal and headed off.

Paranoia – Chapter 2 (Pt. 2)

Chapter 2 – The Thoughts (Part 2)

Up until then, another thought hit me. It was about losing my friends. Lately, I’ve been causing a lot of trouble. I don’t know why. It just seems that every word that comes out of my mouth, just brings trouble.

It’s not that I didn’t try to stop it. It’s just that I couldn’t. No matter how hard I try, nothing right comes out. And worst of all, whenever I try to make things better, it just gets worse.

“Maybe it’s time to go away again… for now… sort things out…” I said to myself. But what if it makes things worse? What will happen then?

Up until now, I decided to go with the flow. Indeed I was, but things still seem to be changing. Either it’s me or it’s all of us. At one point, we were all stressed out and frustrated and I thought that after all that, we’d be back together close.

But things still happen. It just wouldn’t stop. I feel as if I’ve been jinxed or something. But of course, when these things do happen, I do wonder, who’s wrong?

I may be wrong, since I’ve been the one causing it. But I did have my point. So who was the winning end? I guess the whole thing could be my fault, since I ended up apologizing. But at the same time, I feel as if, I’m a dummy.

As I was about to dig further into my thoughts, my phone started to ring.

“Urgh… why now??” I quickly tried to fix my hoarse voice since I just finished tearing as I was thinking.

“Hey dear, it’s check-up time~” chimed Alan’s voice. As usual, he’s in his normal, cheery self.

“Hey, I already texted you that I’m fine. Why go through all the trouble? You’re stoning aren’t you?” I replied, hoping he wouldn’t hear my weird voice.

“No, I was still worried. And did you cry?” He asked. Damn, he noticed.

“Um.. maybe?” I said, adding a little laugh like I always do.

“You did. You alright? Want me to come over?” He asked as if I was about to die or something.

“No need. I’m fine~ Seriously~ Was only thinking. Not like I’m self mutilating.” I reassured him.

“Okay… but is it alright if I come over later? I wanna get out of the house.” He asked.

“Sure? You always come here. Honestly, are you like, addicted or something? My house ain’t got no crack you know.” I teased him a little.

“Haha, it’s not your house, it’s You that’s my drug.” he replied. Almost immediately, I kept quiet and blushed.

“Aww, so sweet. Anyways, see you later kay? I wanna wash my face.” I said.

“Okay. See you.” And with that, the call ended.

“Okay, I guess I’ll think again later. I wouldn’t wanna end up crying again.” I said to myself and hurried into the bathroom.

Paranoia – Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – The Worry

I switched on my iPod as I walked towards the shops. My iPod was on shuffle, so technically you can’t really figure out what song’s gonna come next. I was crossing the street when the song Count on Me by Bruno Mars played.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a diehard fan of Bruno, I just like some of his songs. One thing about me, I’m not exactly a diehard fan of any particular artist. When I like the song, I just like it.

You can count on me,

Like one, two, three,

I’ll be there,

Cause that’s what friends are suppose to do…

At that moment, a thought hit my mind.

“My friends… am I doing enough for them? Am I drifting away from them? What if I am?” countless questions flooded my mind ignoring the screams from my heart saying otherwise.

For that moment, I couldn’t think right. I kept thinking whether I was disturbing them, going away from them, misunderstanding them and a lot more you wouldn’t want to know.

Honestly, I started to really really worry. About what I’m doing to them, about what I’m causing to myself. And to cause more worry, I thought about that dream I had.

I thought so much that I almost got ran over by a car! Thankfully, it wasn’t my time to go yet. I was alone at that time so it was okay if I broke down in tears even if it was in public.

It’s not that I want to, I tried really hard to control it, but I managed to let only a few drops escape my eyes. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about these things a lot. I don’t know why I’m thinking about it now.

“What’s really happening… to me? What am I doing? Why do I feel all sad?” I really couldn’t understand my feelings at that moment. All I wanted was for everyone to leave me alone to cry and clear my head.

But that was impossible. People care about me, I can’t just tell them to go away no matter how much I wanted to be left alone. They have the right to care and I can’t just snap at them. Can I?

So to avoid it all, I just kept quiet. Kept it all inside. Put on a smile and hope that I can forget about those thoughts.

It never failed, as usual. Soon after, I was bright and cheerful again. After that I only had happy memories of me and my friends and family filling my mind. Oh, the wonders of nice memories.

I made it into a sandwich shop and ordered a ham and tuna sandwich. Weird, but I like those eating both of them at the same time. Halfway through my sandwich, my phone rang.

It was my boyfriend, Alan.

“Hey dear, you busy?”

“Nope, what’s up?” I tried to sound like I wasn’t chewing down food.

The thing is, Alan thinks that I eat too much. Well, maybe I do but it only happens when I’m bored. No harm done right?

“Nah, just wanted to talk to you. And, are… you… eating?” he said with a suspicious tone.

“Awww, how sweet of you. But you’re just bored aren’t you? And no, I’m not eating. Why would you think that?” I put on an innocent voice hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Yeah. And you DO know that I can hear you chewing right? For a girl, you don’t really lie very well” he snickered when he said that.

“I’m pretty sure you can’t hear me chew okay? I AM a girl and I have manners when I eat. No matter how much. And you’ve got no proof that I’m eating. Or lying.” I started to smile as I said that.

“Gotcha!” was being said in my mind.

“Nah, you’re lying. I’m right outside the sandwich shop. I can see you.” he laughed and hanged up.

“Damn.” I said to myself.

He came into the sandwich shop and took the rest of the sandwich I was eating right out of my hands.

“Aww come on. Don’t be such a meanie. Give it back.” I said while trying to snatch my sandwich back.

To my demise, he ate it. Right in front of me!

“Hmm, nice combo. Should try this sometime.” He said while chewing my poor sandwich.

“Duh, I’m awesome at creating combo’s. And no one gave you permission for you to eat MY sandwich. It’s my creation and I deserve to finish it. Now you owe me one more.” I told him.

“No I don’t. You eat too much. I’m helping you avoid gaining weight. And you lied to me. So now we’re even.” he stuck his tongue out and started to laugh.

“Fine.” I said with a flat tone in my voice. My good mood has just been sucked out of me.

“Awww, what’s with the bad mood? And why are you alone anyways?” he asked with a change of expression in his face.

“None of your business. And you ate my sandwich anyways.” I said with a gloom in my voice.

“Fine, I’ll just ask some other time. Sorry bout the sandwich and cheer up kay? You can always count on me” he said with that cheerful smile on his face as he patted my head.

He walked me home, just so to make sure I wouldn’t get run over by a car. Again. He told me that he’ll check up on me in the afternoon and kissed me on the cheek and left.

Paranoia – Prologue

Prologue

“Hey! Wait up! Don’t leave me!!!” I yelled as I tried to catch up with my friends.

But, the strange thing is, they never stopped for me. Instead, they just walked on. And when they notice me getting closer to them, they speed up their pace.

“What’s going on? Why won’t they stop for me? Why are they getting away from me?” thoughts pondered in my head as I started to panic.

After a while, I gave up. I just fell on the ground on my knees, staring as they continue to walk on, pretending I never existed. To top it all off, it started to rain, and I burst into tears.

“Why? What’s going on?” I asked myself that question a million times, screaming without a care in the world.

I woke up screaming, only to find out it was all a dream. What’s more, my head was pounding like never before. I calmed myself by taking deep breaths and let reality sink in.

Since no one barged into my room eventhough I’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear that ear piercing scream, I guessed that my parents has set off to work and my little siblings have gone to school. Great. I’m alone in the house. Again.

I was sure my heart almost died when I saw that it was already 9. That means I was SUPER late for school but as I cleared my head, I remembered that it was a weekend.

I checked my dressing table and found a note left by my family. It read:

We’ve gone out to buy some groceries and get some stuff done with Amy and Alex. Won’t be back till evening. Breakfast and lunch is in the fridge.

Love,

Mom and Dad.

I forced myself to leave my bed cause my stomach was grumbling and telling me that it’s hungry. I freshened up and made my way to the glorious food in the kitchen. I heated them up and delightfully gobbled it all down.

To digest it all, I couched in front of the television and browsed through the channels. Considered early for a teen, there wasn’t any shows that suited my taste. So, to burn the calories, I decided to just take a walk around the place.

I took my coat, brought some loose change and went on my way down to the shops. One thing, when I’m bored, I start eating… So technically, my calories aren’t really burning.

At the same time, I started thinking, about the dream I had. Why and What did I do to cause me to dream that nightmare.

“Maybe I’m just paranoid. I’m thinking too much.” I thought to myself.

After realizing that it wasn’t that big a deal, I brushed it off my mind and never thought about it again.

Or so I thought.